The Real Manga
by TheJadeArcAngel
Summary: Metal Gear, Beauty contests, Soul Caliber Girls, anime babes and a series of cataclysmic scenarios = FUN
1. Episode 1

THE ANIMATED WORLD

"EPISODE 1: INTRODUCTIONS"

The crew was ready, the lights were set and the house was completely clean ( even the bathroom which had survived several BLOODY MARY assaults from Captain Murphy in the last "crunch week" of the shows set up ). Gendo walked through this completely media-oriented secondary set house, his eyes wondering what mischief the delinquents he was bringing in would cause. His new media-coordinator, a Ms. Belldandy was eagerly taking notes in her chipper tone. "Ms. Dandy please-"

"Actually, sir, Its BELL-dandy, like the thing that goes BANG BANG in church towers" Gendo grimaced at her sugary sweet tone, it's sound like a STEAMING KNIFE through his head. "Say it with me sir, "Clang clang clang went the trolley, ding ding ding went the…..go on sir, finish the song ^ ^" 

"I AM NOT HERE TO SING SHANTEY SONG MS. WHAT-EVER-YOUR-NAME-IS!"

"Belldandy sir, its BELLdandy ^ ^" Gendo knew it was a loosing argument and decided to move on and hear the list of names. 

"Ms. BELLdandy, please read me the list and profiles of the ten who we are having live in this place please."

"Happily sir ^^ (here is where Gendo thought he would HURL). Let's see, first we have a Mr. Vash "The Stampede". Our agents at MTV and NERV couldn't decipher if that was a title or his actual last name so we went with it as his on-screen persona. Reputed as legendary gunslinger he is the "girl factor" of the show sir."

"Hmmm, every show needs ONE of them I suppose. Go on."

"Next we have a one "Washu Hakubi". The show licensers apparently had to beg her to come and in the end it only took an agreement to have her inspect the MAGI computer systems."

"MY AGENTS DID WHAT! Remind me to have them assassinated latter please."

"Well, that wouldn't be very nice now would it sir?" Belldandy smiled happily. 

"Well being NICE isn't the point, I want them dead….right now! Gendo pouted. Belldandy went to pat him on the back but he resumed a power walk and demanded the list of names go on.

"Well, there's Karinka, a "Steel Angel". She supposedly however has a mean streak and the censers fought with us tooth and nail NOT to get her near a camera."

"Well the show DOSE need an instigator. She should be fun to monitor when the ratings get low."

"Well, now we have the "Steel Angel" Kurumi. She was reluctant to do the show but when her "Master" Nakahito said it was alright she eagerly agreed."

"Her role?"

"It says on the sheet "Scrub monkey". Sir, you didn't think she was really a MAID did you?

****

(long pause with stereotypical cherry blossoms in the background)

"*Cough* No, no, perish the thought, anyway, go on."

"Well, now we have Urd, a Goddess second class. I personally vouch for her credibility as a ( Belldandy looked at the sheet ) …"BOY MAGNET?" Mr. Ikari, who wrote this on her sheet????"

"Somebody by the name of Morusaki in the script division."

"Well…..he seems to be a VERY misguided person. Anyway, Urd agreed to do the show mainly on the account that she wishes to showcase her clothing line. I know it seems like a BIG-'

"That's nice Belldandy but please go on with the list. I have to bastardize my soon at 3 then meet with God at 5."

"Well, next is a "Ryoko", a reputed demon, pirate and hunter of "fun". She is apparently doing the show to gain money since she owes a hefty sum to the Bank of Jurai. We believe she will have some of the better tendencies that will make the show really come alive ^ ^"

"Meaning?"

"She likes to scream and fight a lot sir."

'AHHH. Very well, a fiery tempered one will bring a spark of entertainment to this mixture."

"Next according to the list is Asuka Langley Shoyu"

"WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!!!" Gendo fell backwards, nearly spilling his $7.45 Starbucks coffee all over himself in Belldandy hadn't have caught it (completely missing the fact that she should have caught GENDO instead.) Gendo staggered up and re-aligned his glasses. "Lets….move on, I know enough about Ms. Shoyu."

"Sir?" asked Belldandy playfully, trying to get as much information about these youngsters as possible."

"When Attila the Hun ravaged China, that was NOTHING compared to what will happen if anyone gets that girl mad."

"It seems now we come to a Mr. Damaramu, a knight who has, now I am reading off the sheet, "The power and strength of 1,000 war elephants, the cunning of a fox and a stomach of the strongest steel"

"I hope he can survive Asuka and Misato's cooking"

"Sir"?

"Hmm, what? Oh, nothing, never-mind. What skills dose this "knight" possess?"

"It would seem he has a knack for coming back from the dead and slaying pretty red headed dragon girls" Gendo rolled his eyes and motioned for the list to continue knowing it was drawing to a close

"Well now we have a young girl who is described only on the paper as "Ed". That's it, there isn't anything more. From what I hear, her guardians Spike and a "Mr. Jet" were all too happy to give her over to MTV-NERV associates. Something about needing more wu-long? There are two more names sir"

"Read them then, my schedule for being "Mr. Nice-guy" is about up"

"Well, there's an urgent telegraph from Rockridge. Sheriff murdered, women and children dead, send new sheriff immediately." Wait, that's not it, never mind. Now we have Parn, a "Heroic Knight of Lodoss"

"Lodoss….lodoss….didn't I vacation there one year? As I recall the climate was awful, the food stunk and there were MASSIVE lizards everywhere."

"Dragons sir?"

"YEAH. Pesky things, any-who who is last?"

"A Mr. Ashram. Apparently all who have tried to interview him for this bio have been brutally slain and there ehads sent back in a case."

"Then how did he agree to come to the show????"

"Funny thing is, we don't know if he's coming or not. As his replacement we have a "Goku", a young 12 year old child from the far east."

"ARE YOU INSANE! Our whole kitchen staff wont survive a day with him on the set….or ANYWHEWRE!" Gendo pulled out his cellular phone and speed dialed Dr. Akagi. 

"Ritsuko, we have a problem. The monkey boy has been signed up. Yes, were gonna need LOTS more…….more………more…….okay, not TRIPPLE that amount." Belldandy tapped Gendo on the shoulder and whispered "They're here now sir"

The room was a large theater style auditorium where the 10 or so "guests" were seated. The crowd all looked as if jet-lag had set in while the youngest one, Goku was flat asleep. Wasu, abuzz on her holo-labtop was apparently bothering Damaramu who repeatedly demeaned she stop before, as whiteness said, "She would feel the brunt of his mighty force" Washu shrugged off the bafoons remarks as Gendo approached them all. A small tactical team of camera men soon followed him to begin the first live shooting of the orientation.

"Welcome to Tokyo 3 ladies and gentlemen. I am pleased to see you all agreed to be on this amazing new venture with NERV and MTV. As you all know, second impact has robbed us of many things, but not good smutty TV. I intend to raise the bar on this meter and in turn, secure my first phase of immortality s the greedy producer who got you where you all are today. Any questions?" The young knight Parn raised his hand.

"Mr. Ikari, what is it we will be doing in this "Real World"?"

"Good question. You ten ill live and operate out of a fully operationally monirerd house on our set. Your lives will then be transferred to every major network for all to see. This is a social experiment of sorts." Parn lowered his hand while others went up, notably, that of Vash "The Stampede".

"Mr Ikari sir, while we all live under these rules, I am assuming there WIL be rules, what then do we do if we get emotionally attached to a house-member or wish to engage in "friendly" extra activities with another person in the house?"

"Why do you ask Vash?" said Gendo questioningly.

"Well, my new friend Kurumi and I seem to have hit it off rather well ya see."   
"You have such COOL hair!!!" the pink haired girl shouted, her name Kurumi. Vash then however looked at Kurumi's enormous….assets….and quickly forgot about any pain he had been feeling since the angel had ANCHORED herself to his arm and was squeezing it rather hard.. Another hand went up, this one of the dark knight Ashram who HAD arrived.

"tell me. What will be do for food and money while we are living together" he said rashly, his cold eyes scanning everyone who looked his way. Asuka gave him a raspberry. This suddenly sparked a huge firestorm within Ashrams heart, his body tensing up our of his chair, his mighty sword SOUL CRUSHER ready to draw blood. "Because I guarantee ANYONE who lacks off under my rule will be severely punished!" Suddenly a small toy dart stuck to his forehead. Ashram turned to see Vash whistling whimsically to himself, small dart tun twirling on his finger.

"Now Mr. Ashram, I guarantee you will all have reasonable jobs. You will be legitimate employees of the DISCO INFERNO, a local nightclub located within a hotel resort complex. I now introduce you to Killik, you boss and the Inferno's head DJ. A tall figure entered, his body refined as if through purest fire, his body masked in a long trench coat, a massive staff at his side, the Kali-Yugi, his weapon with which he enforced justice and law. Nobody really saw him enter since they were desperately trying to keep Ashram from cleaving Vash into two pieces. Suddenly Killik sprung to action, his body leaping into the air, his staff striking everyone squarely in the head with a powerful "THWACK" sound.

"Greetings" he said slowly as he landed in a silent repose. "I am Killik, your new boss. Through my staff I dispense my will, and with my mixing board I create mad-rhythms. You will have a four day trial to see where you best fit within the Inferno….but BE WARNED! All who fail to meet the trials shall be bast into the vortex where you shall face INFERNO itself! HIS MIGHTY SOUL EDGE WILL DESTROY YOU AND LEAVE YOU A BROKEN BLUBBERING MESS! …………………so……………..let us pray you all achieve SOME job or function that suites you best. You will be paid above minimum wage and you will also receive free drinks provided you are above the drinking age limit.

"I think the blonde one doesn't qualify!" Ashram shouted in Vash's direction. Vash didn't notice however since he was busy wrestling with Ryoko. He didn't last long as the silver hared vixen threw him clean through a wall in no time. Killik smiled as he thought of how much FUN breaking these loafers in would be. Suddenly the girl Ed, a spunky youth along with Goku, approached Killik, tugging at his coat. Killik turned to look at them. 

"Excuse me Kiwwik." Said Ed. "We were'a wondering if you knew where the bathroom was? HMMM?" Ed asked happily her wide eyes melting into Kilik's soul. Suddenly the body of Ashram throttled him senseless as Ryoko swung in clear across the room , her arm just getting warmed up.

'Come on, you people are all WEAK!" she scoffed, her body floating in the air as she yawned to herself. Suddenly I charged Kurumi, her cheery nature catching Ryoko off guard.

"OH RYOKO, YOUR JUST SOOO COOL! I KNOW WERE GONNA BE GOOD FRIENDS, LIKE SISTERS!"

"PLEASE….your….choking….me, it…hurts!" Ryoko stammered as she tried to no avail to get out of that the hug the pink girl had LOCKED her into with. Killik stumbled up from beneath Ashram and went o go get a drink, his head throbbing and not wanting to see ANY of these weirdo's for as long as possible. Gendo was in a small debate with Goku over the issue of dinner time when suddenly Urd pulled out a GINORMEOUS gong and rang it several times. "ATTENTION PLEASE" Urd began "but WHO among us will be the leader and chief representative for this MOTLY CREW!?!"……………………..there was silence……………………………….suddenly Washu stepped foreword to Urd, her normally wide smiled face bearing astern and serious look.

"I will do it" she said, her outfit suddenly changing to that of a school professor. THEN IN A FLA SH the studio became a massive study-hall with everyone in school outfits (except for Asuka who was already wearing one ). Washu displayed a MASSIVE graph with everyone's different displays of "LEADERSHIP" potential on a pie chart, her being the largest next to Ashrams which had a chibi-ashram drawn into his section and it showed his choking Vash happily. Goku was asleep while Ryoko smiled deviously, her eraser being cut into tiny cubes which she flicked at Gendo, all the while Damaramu flexing for Kurumi who cooed and giggled happily. Washu, sensing all were not paying attention, activated a tiny switch that sent streams of hot electricity through the seats, IMMEDIATELY getting everyone's attention. "THAN you. NOW, if anyone object to my seizing leadership power??" Washu waited as everyone, who were rubbing their tushies, all sat in silence. 

"Very well Ms. Washu, you are now the organizer of functions and manager of economic funds within the household" said Gendo. "Now, if you will al follow me, I will show you into he house." Everyone got up as Washu de-materialized the fuku uniforms and the study hall. There were three large van's with NERV logo's on the side, each one with a respective driver. Goku and Vash eyes the man with the mysterious ex X over his masked face but thought him the lesser of two evils when they saw a scraggly red haired man and a black-haired girl who seemed to be crawling into a water filled tank INSIDE the van. Then there was well as the long haired figure who kept saying "My code name is Wing, appropriate for one who puts out fires". Kurumi was busy tapping on the glass chamber with in the OUTLAW AERO-STAR as she, Parn, Ed, Ryoko and a drooling Vash went off ahead. Ashram, Washu Urd and Asuka went with the enigmatic Zechs leaving Damaramu and Karinka (who had been asleep the whole time) to wonder what they had done to deserve being PEGGED with this moron who spoke yet words came out when his lips weren't moving. Karinka shuddered. 

"LISTEN freak! I don't wanna hear any more about racing, or Mach-5's, or you obviously ANNOYING brother, OKAY? I've been on a jet with a pink haired BIMBO who thought the stewardesses were steel angels like her and myself!!!! SO juts BE QUIET before I rip off your head and serve it to you!" Racer X smiled, his mouth moving a mile a minute.

"But-karinka-you-must-understand-that-without-my-brother-my-life-is-menaingless-and-I-am-sorry-for you-flight-problems,-really-I-am-but-you-must-know-that-" **KLOBBER**. A well placed PUCNH by Damaramu silenced the rambling-racer as he took the wheel, trying to avoid the lead-footed driver of the first van, the red haired Jean Starwind and his enhanced OUTLAW AERO-STAR.

Melfina's eyes wandered in her glass chamber as Kurumi made faces against the glass like a child looking into a fish tank.

"KURUMI, please stop that!' shouted Ashram coldly.

"Oh, your just being GRUMPEY!" chimed Kurumi as she hugged on Ashram, the pale warrior feeling all the blood rush to his face with embarrassment. Ed tapped Gene on the shoulder, the "pilots" mind focused on careening through traffic as fast as possible.

"Yes ma'am?" asked Gene/

"Ed wish to know where bathroom is!"

"Sorry little lady but this thing may come with grappler arms, an android brain pilot and even an automated voice recognition system but it ain't got no bathrooms!"

"Dose it have a decent CD player?" asked Ryoko. Gene made a mad face.

"Only the DELUXE models!!!! LOUSEY frikkin (insert expletive here) "I am paying .13 percent interest on this van and then there's Aisha's feeding costs! DO YOU KNOW OW MUCH IT COSTS TO FEEL A FERAL CAT WOMAN?" Suddenly gene looked in his rear view mirror, his eyes rolling with delight and sarcasm. "OH, great……ZEON!"

Char viewed the three enemy targets on the console screen of his MOBILE SUITE "THE RED COMETS" video sensors. He reached over to his microphone and spoke loudly into it to his wing-mates.

"Listen up fellow ZEON warriors! We are going to eliminate these careless MTC sell-outs! Anime will not be bartered off to these pop-culture freaks! OPEN FIRE!" With brilliant streaks of crimson bullets the RED COMET sparked to roaring combat, its machine gun streaking out a line of bullet fire that tore apart the road in massive chunks, the three humanoid battle suites flying over the freeway like birds of prey. Suddenly Vash reached out the window and fired three well placed bullets that punctures the mobile suites fuel cells, their munchousen drives collapsing and sending them careening off in different directions. Char shouted "WE WILL MEET AGAIN" in classic style as his RED DOMET crashed into a n anime convention where hordes of anime fanboy's striped it clean before it had cooled down. Finally, seven red stoplights latter, the three vans arrived at the DISCO INFERNO, the new housing and employer of ten anime characters who's lives would be changed forever…..as would the rest of the viewing world's idea of "WTF".


	2. Episode 2

****

EPISODE 2: Settleing In

The three ZAKU assault had easily been thwarted by the quick-shoot's from Vash "The Stampede" and, after a barrage of fireballs from Ryoko at the seventh stop light, the three-van-convoy arrived at The Disco Inferno, the hottest dance hotel in Tokyo 3. The crowd was pouring in at only eleven o'clock in the morning! The camera crew headed by Stormy Waters arrived at the parking lot where the "gang" was assembled.

Gendo and Belldandy began to hand out various forms and flyers to fill out as Kilik went into the Inferno to gather the "troops" who would be supervisors and co-workers with these anime-stars over the next few weeks. As the approaching warriors came before the cameras the reactions were different. Vash's jaw dropped to the ground. Ryoko snickered at how LAME these people were dressed. Kurumi and Karinka looked in awe. Goku didn't notice and neither did Edd, at least not until the "FREAK" showed up next to them, his body a twisted apparition of blades and limbs. Ashram eyed one of the warriors while Damaramu laughed at the stupidity of these people before him. Asuka sized up the largest of the men, believing her and Unit two could easily SQUASH him. Washu pulled out her lab-top and began cross-analyzing there various DNA's and thinking of what some would look like cross-spliced. Urd snickered at the warrior who looked like Elvis on crack. Killik stamped Kali Yugi and motioned for everyone's attention.

"Welcome to the Disco Inferno ladies and…( Kilik looked at Goku who was chasing his tail )…children. Allow me to introduce you to your employers and boss's. Maxi!" From the crowd stepped a tall man in his 20's, his hair slicked back as if he had dunked his head in oil or some other grease substitute, a set of nun-chucks at his side. The named Maxi suddenly broke out into a series of moves that was displaying his prowess. Suddenly Kali Yugi struck in in the face. "STOP SHOWING OFF YOU MORON!" shouted Kilik sharply.

"Heh, fine, CANDY ASS!" maxi smirked. The chuck-weilding-wack-ado straightened up and slicked back his hair, wiping the excess "slick" on the reptilian fighter at his side. "Well, allow me to introduce myself. I am Maxi and I run all stage performances at the Inferno. Any seeking my employment must be dedicated, hard working and a sex's lady ^.~." Kali Yugi again struck him, this time in the gonads. "Well, that's me" he squeaked. Next up was a massive man-like monster, his skin thick and tinted purple, his eyes glowing spheres of white. The man easily overshadowed EVERYONE.

"I am Astragoth! You work for me as bouncers. People interrupt song, look at girl funny, make gun-bang, I SMASH!" there was silence as a cherry blossom barrage suddenly appeared and out from it came a beautiful Chinese woman, her arm holding a beautifully elegant blade of fashioned silver, her body a movement of poetic destruction.

"I am Xianghua. I lead the dancing girl troupe and also am chief of marketing. YES…girls have brains too! ( she gave Vash a YOUR DEAD LOOK as he winked at her stupidly ). Next approached a creature that looked like The Crocodile Hunters worst nightmare! The creature was half man, half serpent, and his yellow eyes bearing the mark of intelligence beyond the mask of stupidity he wore well.

" I am Lizardman, I operate the bar and am in charge of all drinks and selling of ale and dwarfish "pints"." Lizardman slicked away as a true definition of the word FREAK "walked" up, his body seemingly bent out of shape like pretzel with swords at there ends that were arms Kilik stop for him since he could not do so himself

"This is Voldo and he works on the lights and tech operation in the Inferno. Working for him will require massive amounts of dexterity and nimbleness…………and, well, stomach. I am sorry but DAMN, this guy's a freak. You will meet the rest of the crew latter. For now. Lets get everyone moved in. Your bags have been moved into the hotel already so, are there any questions?"

"If the greasy one touches me, he's dead" said Asuka. Everyone laughed….except maxi. He simply smiled and winked at the fiery redhead….he then screamed as her fist connected with his face. "I'LL KILL YOU!" she shouted. It took Kurumi and Ryoko to pry her off of him.

"Damaramu is wondering. Do we get to work with the customers?" said, well, Damaramu : P.

"Yes, you will be expected to work with customers. Why?"

"Because you see, DAMARAMU THINK IT QUITE FUN TO SHOW OFF HIS MIGHTY POWER TO OTHERS!"

****

Bathroom cleaner thought Kilik happily.

"HEY! The monkey boy is eating my camera!" shouted Stormy from behind everyone.

"Hey, you! Bad monkey!" said captain Murphy, his hand reaching into his jacket for a surprise. Goku, busy trying to see if the camera was any tastier on the opposite end, looked up happily as Murphy revealed a banana. "Here ya go you freaky simian! Murphy likes monkeys!"

"Hey, I am a Saiyan -_-" said Goku

'Sure you are Ham! Hey Ham, go get the banana!" Murphy threw the banana into the opposite end of the lot when suddenly it vanished from sight, Goku then devouring it as if he plucked it from the sky in the blink of an eye….BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE DID!

"Damn…..the chimp is FAST!" said Stormy. Gendo sighed aloud and began to go into the hotel's entrance, everyone rushing to catch up. 

The crew enterd the lobby where a representative from the Hotel was ready to greet everyone. This however was not to be since Ryoko shoved him aside and went up through he ceiling to her hotel number which had been assigned to everyone before there respective flights. Everyone ignored the trappings of the bus-boys and were all easily capable of hauling there belongings to the 13th floor where the "specialized" room awaited them since it was a massively re-modeled suite with all the appliances and outlets for 10 to live in its rooms. Gendo, still suffering from a migraine, followed Murphy and Stormy with Belldandy in tow up to the accursed floor where a fight was already starting between Damaramu and Goku for a bed next to a window that overlooked Tokyo 3 and the random angel that was tearing through the city, Shinji in his EVA unit one clearly being seen getting RIPPED APART in the background. It took a hour for everyone to finally get settled in with there imported baggage and already it was clear that this was going to be one hell of a show since the broadcasting would begin the next morning.

***INTERVIEW WITH VASH***

"Well, from the beginning I knew I was going to be good friends with Damaramu and Ashram ^ ^V!"

****

ASHRAM: _"I want to KILL that spiky-hared gun slinging fool!"_

****

DAMARAMU: _Vash….vash?…he kid with the tail?_

" I mean, that Kurumi babe is really hot so I am thinking, maybe I'll set up my bed near her ( Vash then winks at the camera)

****

KURUMI: _"If that funny person wants to sleep near me I don't mind but his lips better not come near Kurumi because I belong to MASTER!_


	3. Episode 3

****

Episode 3: Morning and …METAL GEAR?

Sleep came fast after the massive unpacking of the anime crew, they're sleeping arrangements coming to the simple "Boy in one area" "female in the other" design, at least for now. Goku raided the fridge of over 70 pounds of food in one sitting and then ate the kitchen sink….no, seriously. As the camera's were activated and recording began it WASN'T to too pleasant experience to only have one bathroom.

****

Kurumi: _Well, at first I thought Karinka was in the bathroom because she takes a while to do things anyway but then out came Ryoko. I am thinking, "Now would Master take that long in the bathroom?" no thank you!_

Washu had set up her sub-space laboratory inside a kitchen cabinet so when Parn went to go get dishes to begin breakfast he was greeted by a nuclear reactors energy spark that leapt out and blew up the microwave

****

PARN: _Yes. As I opened the door, I saw a bolt of what must have been magic that seared through the air like an arrow through Lodoss's summer skies! It destroyed a small box._

****

Washu: _Lousy cave man shouldn't have opened the door. It clearly said, "_INTER DIMENSIONAL VORTEX BEYOND THIS POINT_". What did he think I meant, "_Dishes for breakfast in here_?"_

This sign however had been removed seeing as Ryoko thought it to be hilarious when she saw Parn open the door.

****

Ryoko: _OH MY GOD! The look on that dopes face was priceless!_

Everyone assembled at breakfast, which consisted of what Washu was cooking in the lab, and clearly it seemed, cooking was NOT her bag baby.

****

ASHRAM: _The food seemed to be made from an Orc's flesh them, from what I tasted, brought back to life again! The thing squirmed off my plate and charged the monkey child as if it wanted to eat HIM!_

The "food", which was actually re-comprised matter from a wombat, soon rampaged through the house, its tendrils whipping wildly as it chased Goku for several minutes.

"KILL IT!" shouted Karinka, her fists clearing through one of the floorboards in her efforts to kill the "thing that would be dinner". Goku soon however tired of playing with his food and then ATE it in one bite. The reactions were..less…..than acceptable

****

Asuka: _I…was…going….to….hurl_

****

Damaramu: _The mighty Damaramu would have had NO problem devouring such a creature. The mighty Damaramu is upset the monkey boy Goku got it first_

"Goku, what did you just eat?!" shouted Vash from across the hall having just awoken to see Goku consuming a bizarre squiggling THING in front of him. Goku happily offered some of the creature to Vash who simply raced off to the nearest bathroom to gag….unfortunately it was occupied by Kurumi and the second was occupied by Ashram who was trying to wash orange juice from his cape

Just when the morning couldn't get any more bizarre, in came Gendo, a list of assignment sheets in his hand. "ATTENTION" he began. "On this sheet you will find all the necessary information on how to get jobs within the hotel and the night club. Allow me to introduce you "instructor", Mr. Snake." From behind Gendo came a gaunt man, his hair pulled back into a shaggy mullet, his head wrapped with a bandanna and a cigarette in his mouth. 

****

Parn: _This "Mr. Snake" seemed nice enough at first, and truly, He would be a valuable allie against any enemy_

****

SNAKE: _I immediately knew the Parn-kid was greener than whatever that Goku kid was eating the moment I came through the door._

Snake looked everyone over and sat down at a couch next to the door, his eyes analyzing everyone including a young brown hared man in armor who was waving like a damn fool.

"My name is Snake, lets just leave it at that. I am here on commission to make sure you TV-has-been's get good jobs here in the hotel and that I get paid my miserable fee. Are we clear?" Suddenly Vash gave him a bizarre look

****

Vash: _I KNEW IT WAS HIM! The legendary Solid Snake! The guy had his own video game series for crying out loud_

****

Snake: _I think the blonde boy is gay_

"I need a team of three to come with me down to the Disco Inferno where you will try out for waiters, busboys, scrub moneys and other demeaning jobs"……..there was silence……………"Blonde, Kid-who-wont-put-his-hand-down and boy with the tail. You three, move it!" As Goku, Vash and Parn left with Snake Karinka and Ryoko decided to explore the hotel.

The main floor of the Disco Inferno was abuzz with kids of every age, from 18 to 40. Snake rolled his eyes at various jeers about him being a NARC and he occasionally fired off his **SOCOM** into the mass of teen bangers and disco-freaks. Kilik was waiting with Astaroth while the HUGE giant was holding up a silver hared man with a long blade attached to his back.

"Listen Seperoth, you sick freak, go peddle your gay where's someplace else cause I keep telling you, THIS IS NOT A GAY CLUB!"

"*sigh* PLEASE, don't pout at me. You let the Ginyu Gang operate here don't ya?"

"WHY YOU….they PAY money to have a sanctioned disco group here. You just….you just show up!"

"Those fudgepackers? OH PLEASE. They're as unified as a virgin field trip crew at a Christina Agulera concert. " Kilik waved as Astraoth hauled Sepheroth to the exit. "YOU HAVENT HEARD THE LAST OF ME YA' BIG MEANNIE!"


	4. Episode 4

****

EPISODE 4: NIGHTMARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR

The first day had passed on into mid-afternoon with Goku, Parn and Vash being recruited into the "bus buy" job. Vash became a waiter boy, Goku a drink mixer and bar-keep and Parn…..well, Parn got the INTRESTING job….

****

PARN: _I was the man whoscrapped gum out from the toilet stalls…the WOMENS toilet stalls……_

Goku's first success came when he managed to pour juice for a thirsty model….it quickly shattered when he leapt over the bar and tired to feel between her legs to see if she was male or female

****

GOKU: _The weird lady screamed and ran away. Bulama never ran away_. _I got to drink the juice though ^ ^"_

Needless to say the job acquired by Vash was….convenient…..

****

VASH: _I got to wait the show girls tables ^ ^V!"_

Vash approached the bar, his eyes glittered and shinned by the light of countless beautiful women, all of them wanting HIM! ( ok, to have him give them drinks but like Vash cared) Goku was using his tail to wipe down the counter when suddenly in rushed Ryoko and Washu.

"Hey girls ^ ^" said Vash. Goku smiled up as Ryoko suddenly phased through a wall in a hurry and Washu placed her laptop up on the bar, her hands a flurry of poetic typing and ecentric patterns.

"What'cha doin!' a voice suddenly shouted from behind Washu, her red hair about to LEAP out of her skin. Washu looked down to see Ed, her happy self-attached to Washu's leg like a static-clung sock on laundry day.

****

WASHU: _I swear, if the kid ever comes ANYWHERE near my leg again, so help me…_

"I and Ryoko sense a terrible evil approaching, something so violent and destructive that even all of the combined power that MTV possesses can topple it." Washu said, the mood being lit appropriately by Voldo from above as extras carried off a space backdrop that added effect.

"Is it Knives" asked Vash, his hands ready to pull his gun.

"No……disco" said Parn from out of NOWHERE!

The automatic doors of the Disco Inferno opened wide, a blast of light shining in as a series of figures walked in, there style set for "STUNNING", their game faces on and there powers maxed out beyond sight. The tallest and the leader was a brilliant killer bug from the future, his smooth and letal style bearing a hatred of all things stronger than himself. His name?…………

****

GOKU: _Big ugly green bug man…in an ugly suit!_

****

WASHU: _Whatever the hell he is he needs a better suit! It looks like something from an outtake in SATUDAY NIGHT FEVER……._

****

VASH: _Wow, what a cool suit!_

Cell, android extraordinair and the only man besides Piccolo to have killed Goku (well, okay, INDIRECTLY but YOU tell HIM that). His suit was a sleek white with purple undershirt and a red boa along his shoulders, a set of gold rimmed glasses over his violet eyes. To his left, the two lead members of the Ginyu Gang, Jeice, in a stunning red suite with silver embosses flames on the cuffs and collar, and Frezia in a silver platinum vest with a solid green AMBERCROMBIE shirt beneath it. To cell's right were Burter and Gouldo, both in a corresponding white and black suite combo, with derby hats. The song "Disco Inferno" seemed to play in and endless loop. From the sidelines watched snake, his jaw having DROPPED to the floor……

****

SNAKE: _OH….MY…..GOD………HOW MONSETROULSY HIDEOUS. I think SNIPER WOLF HAD BETTER FASHION SENSE……the dead SLUT!_

Cell and his boyz went to the bar, there thirst quenched after a solid night and a half of clubbing and pimmp'in. Frezia rested his arm on the bar as Washu, Vash, Parn Goku and Snake looked on in errie awe at, one, how NAYBODY could wear such horrid get-ups, and two, what they were doing in the Disco Inferno at all….it wasn't a gay bar.

Goku approached the silver-oid alien Frezia, a look of semi-recognition in his eye.

"Do I know you?" asked Goku happily. Frezia turned, stared then bolted for the door….unfortunately it was for the female restroom……Parn suddenly screamed and was knocked unconscious as he ran into a stall door…..cell thought all this unbelievably hilarious.

"No Goku, were not here for you. At least I am not. My script with DBZ has run out and I am now a legitimate member of the GINYU GANG, a disco organization that is sponsored by the night clubs here at the hotel."

"hey boss, are we gonna kill these guys or what?" asked Jeice. His Australian accent caught the attention of Lizard Man who was in the back room cleaning. He slithered away with a determined look in his eyes…."He has returned" Lizard man hissed…… 

Goku served up the Ginyu Gang drinks and soon everyone's shift ended……..

Back inside the room everyone had completed organization of there rooms set ups, most (except for Damaramu) had gotten jobs and it was time for dinner ( Washu was locked away in her cabinet…er, lab ).

"I say tommorow we all meet up with Kilik and get a full out tour of the hotel" said Asukam eagar for a way to avoid having to go to her job…..as a complaint reppresentitive.

****

ASUKA: _Ok, I complain enough as it is but if I have to hear OTHER PEOPLS sheist than I don't wanna work at ALL!_

It was at this time that Quinn, a technician for MTV;s camera crew came in…

"Everyone, I don't mean to alarm you, but a series twelve molecular genome type 8 creature is loose in the building. It escaped quarantine this afternoon!" Everyone started at him stupidly…

****

STORMY: _All I knew was that the black dude…er, Quinn, came in yakkin about some kind'a quarterback…._

****

WASHU: _As I am about to eat a decent mea;, in barges this guy talking about escaped quarantine field creatures! Doesn't MTV have a decent molecular field cage or a particle destableizer? **Washu suddenly thinks** GOOD LORD THE PRIMATES HAVE RUN OF THE LAB! I FORGOT TO CLOSE THE CAGE DOORS!_

****

QUINN: I came in trying to warn people a damn leprechaun escaped into the building from the SEALAB transport van and what happens? I get looked at like I was about to steal there TV's and the midget chick runs off into the damn cabinet! I give up!

__


	5. EPISODE 5

****

EPISODE 5: CRIKEY! LOOK AT THAT C4 CHARGE RIP OPEN THAT SKYRISE!

Asuka had begun her job as complaint rep with the hotel; her booth placed "conveniently" beside the bathroom and the snack machine. Surprisingly the only complaint Asuka received all afternoon was about a backed up toilet to which she promptly responded

****

ASUKA: _SCREW YOUSERLF!_

However, just when things were settling down and the camera crew was about to leave her alone, the unthinkable occurred....SOMEBODY BLEW UP A ROOM! There was a hail of bullet fire from the central stair well that descended down with two red figures exchanging shots.

****

ASUKA:_ Knives showed up to say "Hiya" to Vash. Got in Himmel, cant those two ever meet each other WITHOUT destruction on a massive scale?_

Knives was repeatedly shot in the chest, his body falling backwards over a lobby couch when Vash noticed Asuka and winked at her. Asuka gagged. The duel went on for several minutes despite Knivs'es injuries until both got tired and left, Knives to go get a drink and Vash to hit on the dancing girls. The lobby looked as if a typhoon had RAVAGED it ( Asuka snickerd at the ironic joke then stopped herself )

****

ASUKA: _Yeah, I know he's a walking disaster area but I suppose he's a cute disaster area right? ......OMG, CUT THIS OUT OF THE INTERVIEW! ***THERE IS SILENCE***_

Parn, having to explain to a very "uppity" woman that he was an employee, not a pervert, was repeatedly pummeled with a purse and then slammed into a stall door....AGAIN

****

KARINKA:_ That goody-goody moron was in the bathroom with me! WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK!_

Meanwhile the "opening ceremony" of the DISCO INFERNO was about to begin and Kilik was on hand to provide raving mad beats and cool rhythms with his mixing board. Washu however was at the party not to see the festivities or the opening mass executions of the boy bands NSYNC and B-182, but to pursue a much more elusive prey.....a SHORT, MAGICAL USEING prey

****

WASHU: _If I could have gotten a hold of that little fella' I could make millions by selling its organs to science......or hell, just putting it in a cage and showing it off! If anything I'd get a pot of gold right?_

****

QUINN: _Yeah, the red haird woman, Washer, yeah, she wanted to hunt down the leprechaun and try to sell it or eat it or I don't know WHAT. All I knew was that she dressed me up like Darbey O'Gilll and told me to stand under this bog box suspended by a STICK! This plan ladies and gentlemen from a woman who supposedly invented the Internet...._

****

WASHU:_I still can't believe Quinn did what I told him. it was hilarious!!!!_

After about an hour all the rest of the MTV-NERV associates came down with the Anime-guests of THE REAL WORLD and the main ceremonies began with a speech by Paorth from Yggasdril about the rights nof mortal ( several BOO's came from the back, mainly from Legato who was stuffing his face), and then came the BIG show, the live executions of two boy-bands on charges of, as Kurumi believed it, "Being weird". Snake looked on from his table, in awe that the once-juvenile Pokemon trainer Ask Ketchum had retired from pokemon and applied his "Gott'a cath'em all" phrase to a new hobby: BOUNTY HUNTING, since he was responsible for the capture of the teen idols. Snake looked up however at a shrouded statue in the background, its face hidden since it was to be unveiled as the dedication ceremony to who-ever had bought the Hotel and Nightclub a month before....

****

SNAKE: _Could it be the Patriots?_

.....the shroud was unveiled......

****

SNAKE:_ I was working with the devil!!!! _

There, before all, was the biggest statue of Brittany Spears anyone had EVER seen, her massively winking face paralyzing some in horror, most notably Karinka

****

KARINKA: _THAT LOUSEY NO TALENT SCHLUB WAS THE OWNER OF THIS PLACE?! IF I WANTED TO GO TO HELL I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE HAD TO GO INTO AN ABERCROMBIE STORE!_

Suddenly, from out of NOWHERE, leapt Christina Agulera, her clotheirng a tatterm mass of rags and moth eaten Victorias Secret add's.

"You BITH! I am gonna destroy you! You and your movie, Brittany the Moon Babe from Beyond, destroyed my career!" 

"Pffff, please, your career was doomed the day you tried to marry Little Bow Wow." Chimed Spears

"IT WAS A CELEBRITY MARRAGE! THEYRE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE!" Christina suddenly pulled out a massive RAIL GUN from thin air! Snake leapt to attention, not wanting the source of his funding to die so publicly…(she was to be destroyed in a conspiracy, like all great Hollywood hoes). Snake pulled out his trusty….BOX C ? Snake slapped himself for bringing the wrong utility belt. Just when the infamous "dirty girl" was about to destroy the queen of pop……in jumped Asuka, her body afire (literally) with sheer burning rage.

"How dare you trifle with this ceremony you skank tailed whore! I may want you blow away Bittay Spears head but my conscience, my check from MTV and my dedication to kill her MYSELF cant allow you to do this thing!" Asuka then clicked a small remote on her key chain

-BEEP BEEP-

EVANGELION UNIT 2'S MASSIVE FIST CLASHED THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE DISCO INFERNO AND SMASHED THE DIRTY SINGER LIKE A GREASEY BUG

****

ASUKA: _GOD, I loved doing that!_

****

QUINN: _I WAS STUCK IN THE DMAN DARBEY O'GILL SUIT! WHAT DO YA MEAN, "What did I think when Asuka used her Eva to bitch-slap that white hoe"?_

MEANWHILE, LATTER THAT NIGHT……………

Britany Spears, having showerd after the near death encounter with her arch rival, wento the phone since it had been ringing for some time. 

"Hello….yes mr. Ikari, I have transferred all holdings of the club over to you and NERV………yes, I know the stain wont come out of the dance floor………….ok, goodnight then" 

****

GENDO: _I knew it was a wise choice to get the exclusive right from her when I did because, I SWEAR, I didn't know what was about to happen……………_

Brittany then proceeded over to her play Station 2 and inserted the game BRITANYS DANCE BEAT.

"Oh goodie, now I can play with myself ^ ^" she giggled

………….Snake sat outside the hotel, his body cloaked in darkness except for the light of his cigarette. Goku tugged on his leg

"Mr. Snake, what are we doing out here??" he asked happily

"Waiting"

"For whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

**SUDDENLY, IN THE BACKGROUND, THE UPPER LEVEL OF THE HIYATT BLEW UP IN A MAGNIFICENT FIREBALL- **

"That" said Snake as he flicked away his cigarette. "Here kid, catch" Goku happily cooed and chuckled as he admired Snakes toy: a thermal detonation remote. (Although Goku was pointing it at cars and wondering why they weren't responding and moving around)

****

MURPHEY: _Yeah, um, I don't know NOTHIN about selling any explosives to any representative from MTV-NERV! Nothing ya hear?_

****

SPARKS: _Well, I agreed with Murphy on this one. I mean, its not like I KNEW my detonation remote was gonna be used to detonate a PS2………oh shit, scratch that from my interview……,hey, why are you laughing?_

****

QUINN: _Who cares if that skank and the other skank died? Hmmm? Well, I don't! I think pop culture is now officially dead and we can ALL make way for good music from REAL dead people, like Bach and Keppler! Yeah, that's some GOOD sheyit…….._

Meanwhile, inside the MTV "house", everyone was settling in after a very long day and a lot of death and destruction. Unfortunately "everyone" was as in "Everyone except those in the room" because Goku had decided to eat the entire supply of breakfast food, Washu was running round with net chase'in after invisible little men and Asuka kept trying to talk to Vash who was too busy talking with Kurumi……..(ok, TALKING as in "TRYING TO SNUGGLE UP TO HER CHEST")

DAMARAMU:_ All Damaramu wanted was a little frinkin sleep and instead his might ears are berated by the clatter of midgets with nets and the laughter of fools! THE GREAT DAMARAMU CAN NOT LIVE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!_

****

ASUKA: _That lousy Damaramu kept his damn stereo up so loud the walls shook!_

During the chaos of trying to have everyone settle down, Gendo and Belldandy entered to try and relay the announcement that a "guest" was going to be joining the crew for two days.

"Oh God no, not him, anyone but HIM!: shouted Asuka. Gendo stepped aside to reveal a small looking young man, his brown haired semi unkempt, a bunch of duffel bags behind him. Asuka could only sneer and twitch her eye in silent rage as the boy waved to Asuka and smiled……then slumped into a fit of depression……..then was happy again………..then slumped off………..*the cycle goes of for a few minutes*……..

****

SHINJI: _I knew Asuka would be happy I came to visit her_

__ __


	6. Episode 6

Chapter 6: Enter Gai

It had been one night since young Shinji Ikari had been "brought" into the MTV-NERV studio house where ratings had SOARED within 24 hours of the antics and calamities befalling some of anime's most beloved characters. However, great distress was coming out of one character in particular: Ryoko the infamous space pirate…

****

Gendo: _I knew Ryoko was a troublemaker so I warned her to keep a low profile but I think she is a wonderfully talented… person, er…mass creation….um, pirate?_

****

Ryoko: _He threatened to have my soul imprisoned within an Evangelion is I did anything!_

Thus, Ryoko was assigned to so get a job with the "dancing" girls, a troupe of gorgeous females who were one-part showgirls, one-part magician, and another part ballerinas. They were the stars of many shows that went on in both the hotel and the Inferno, so Ryoko was quite happy to be with such a star team….

****

Ryoko:_ I am going to be RICH! Just think how many schmucks throw their money at these girls, and they're HIDEOUS! Just think of how much I'll get when they get a load'a ME!_

Stormy Waters was assigned with Debbie **the newest of the MTV cameramen on internship from SEALAB** to follow Ryoko to her auditions and see what developed.

****

Stormy:_ I knew things were going to suck for me right when she called my name. She called me "Hey, Fathead", punched my shoulder, and knocked me down, then went off like I was supposed to be able to GET UP! Did I mention that she punched me through a friggin WALL?!_

****

Debbie:_ I think she's cool! I loved the Tenchi series, all of them, I even stay up late to watch the reruns! And Ryoko was always my favorite!_

****

Ryoko:_ That Debbie girl is SO gonna get my foot up her arse if she says ANYTHING to me about Tenchi Muyo. "OMG, what was it like working with Sasami?" "What was it like to be on the set with Kagato?" PLEASE! Sasami was a little freak who cugged more liquor than Boris Yeltssin and Kagato was as gay as Liberachi!_

****

Kagato:_ Okay, for the record, I am NOT gay, I am British!_

Ryoko went into the studio where she met lots of other girls, all of them eagerly awaiting to meet the director and the choreographer. From what Ryoko had learned, the choreographer was once a famous anime star, but had found his TRUE calling. Ryoko thought she had heard of such a man, but had dismissed it as rumor. 

"So, the director, what's he like?" asked Ryoko to Janice, one of the girls.

"They say he is a REAL genius, not the fake kind."

"You mean he's an egotistical moron?"

"Is there any other kind?" Janice laughed. Suddenly Stormy aimed the camera at the stage doors when they opened to reveal two figures. One was in his twenties or so, an eager looking man with a huge smile and a look as if he had just killed a water buffalo with his bare hands… (which in HIS case, was a possibility). The second man was MASSIVE! He had to have been at least seven feet tall, and on his back were attached two megalithic dynamos that sizzled and surged with glowing energy. Ryoko burst out laughing as she IMMEDIATELY knew who the two were.

"ALL RIGHT LADIES, let me introduce myself!" the director began, his voice loud and harsh like a bullhorn. "I am Gai Daigohji, the director all things which transpire on this magnificent stage! You are beautiful stars who will make our darkened sky of dramatics SPARKLE! .... Speaking of sparkle, allow me to introduce you to the chorographer! ^^V!" Ryoko had seen Martian Successor Nadesico and soon was laughing her head off, the theme to GEKIGENGAR suddenly playing in her head and causing her to sway a bit as the song played through her thoughts.

****

Ryoko: _OMG, when I saw this loon-ball was the director, LOL! I knew I was going to have so much fun with this guy!_

"I am Brilliant Dynamite Neon, ladies, and I am here to make sure you all shine with fire, and glimmer with the power of talent that will make you all SPARKLE AND SHINE WITH BEAUTY!"

****

Ryoko: _Sparkle and SHINE? Where did this guy come from, a Mr. Clean ad?_

****

Stormy: _I thought the blond guy Vash was a fruit, but THIS GUY took the whole cake, ate it, then ate the PLATE itself!_

"Ladies and…. (Gai looked around)… ladies, this audition will make sure you all BLADE FORTH in a magnificent fireball of imagination and glamour, kind of like that one that DESTROYED MY ROOM LAST NIGHT! ANYWAY, we will be doing a dance routine today, which Neon will show us all! Let us make a POWERFUL PREFORMANCE!

****

Gai: _I took one look at these girls and I knew I was DOOMED. I had seen wet cats with more talent… no I am serious, my last show WAITING FOR HARVEY literally starred a cat doused with water… IT WAS AN ARTISTICAL STROKE OF GENIUS!_

While Ryoko was in her auditions, Asuka was struggling against the urge to choose how she would die. By the cold and emotionally CRAPPY wailings of Shinji, or the massive volley of bullet fire that would come when the police had to shave Shinji from her hands, which wanted to WRING HIS NECK!

"Asuka, the TV has nothing good on!" Shinji moaned. "My life is a train wreck Asuka, nobody loves me!"

****

Asuka (under her breath):_ I WISH YOU WERE IN A TRAIN WRECK!_

****

"Listen Shinji, I have to go down to my assignment tomorrow and Damaramu is going to take YOU around the night club."

"DAMARAMU IS DOING WHAT?!" Shouted the black knight from across the room over his headphones.

Asuka smiled. If Damaramu didn't' get SOME kind of a job to earn house money, then he would have to baby sit BABY-IKARI…. "I'm so brilliant!" she congratulated herself.

****

Damaramu:_ The great Damaramu is not to be a sitter of small children, especially one as annoying, whiney and spineless as THAT ONE! Damaramu is going to get a job…FAST!_


	7. Episode 7

****

CHAPTER 7: Beauty Is Only Skin Deep…Just Like A Flesh Wound

The final showings of Ryoko's dancing girl troupe went on that night as the entire MTV and NERV affiliate sections gathered inside the Disco Inferno where a HUGE flat floor had been assembled. Every member of the MTV House crew was on call to be involved in the massive "Event' which had drawn countless members of all the networks and studios involved with art and style magazines, not to mention survivor style shows.

Gai Daigohji was proud of the team he and Brilliant Dynamite Neon had assembled, so proud in fact they gave them a new name….

****

NEON: _I knew we needed something with sparkle and PAZZAZ, something spiffey and out'a-sight!_

****

GAI: _Yeah, Brilliant D came up with some crap like "The Sparkling Star Burst Glamour Women" or some long-winded thing like that I just decided to go with "Gai's Gals"._

Goku, Parn, Vash, Asuka and even Ryoko were all on duty that night as well as everyone else, whose jobs began that day. Urd was a hostess for the evening, Karinka a waitress (again) as well as a stand alone singer act when crowds were low . As the crowds entered Maxi approached the stage, his hair ESPECIALLY slicked back for the special occasion ( a notable stain STILL in the stage floor.)

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Disco Inferno. I Maxi, am here today to welcome you to a definitive event in anime history. This is to be a BEAUTY CONTEST amongst many of the worlds top respected anime and anime style characters, plus some infamous video game faces." A massive uproar of comments emerged from the crowd.

****

ASHRAM: _What a waste, This show begins to annoy me almost as much as Vash and his stupid laugh._

****

GOKU: _What's a beauty contest?_

****

PARN: _The display of cleavage and flesh is not for me…(although I admit I am not going to look AWAY)_

****

VASH: **_Is simply drooling on himself_**

****

STORMY: _Oh ma, its gonna be a chick fest of epic proportions!_

QUINN: _The display of such women is really annoying, I mean, why not have them take an IQ test. We all know it's the smart ones who are gonna RISE up and CRUSH the lower educated life forms…..damn it._

MURPHEY: _MURPHEY WANTS TO SEE THE BABES!_

DEBBIE: _UGH! Pigs…._

Maxi stepped off the stage as Voldo slithered along the freakish catwalks and rail ways to adjust the lighting as Gendo, Gai and Brilliant Dynamite Neon walked upon the stage, there dress extremely dressy and formal.

"When God made man, he then made a woman……now I know how much we all HATE god, but that cant be helped because soon we shall all be as ONE being (Gai interrupted)

"Gendo, the girls"

****

PARN: _As a royal knight of Lodoss, I fail to see how a man with such a reservation to serveing God like Gendo could say such a thing. United? What dose he speak of?_

****

VASH: _Yeah, parn was really annoying me all this "Why is gendo against god" stuff. I am thinking, "Vash I know you represent peace and love but…IF HE KEEPS DISTRACTIN ME FROM THE GIRLS AIM GONNA BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT"!_

"OH, yes….-COUGH- well, lets move on. Before we introduce you to the contestants we have a special show provided by the local hotel and the production of the Inferno." Gai stepped foreword as Gendo walked off, Gai's hand stretched foreword exaggeratedly, a sparkle in his eye.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Here today, to please, arouse and generally stimulate the weaker sex, I present the greatest theatrical performance since CATS…MY version, not that cheesy English CRAP! I now introduce, GAI'S GALS!" 

****

ASHRAM: _Gai's Gal's? I thought this was a high quality hotel, not a PORN center…_

With a massive smile Gai pointed with Dynamite Neon to the off hand entrance where many girls in feminine tuxedo outfits and top-hats were pouring out in procession and tapping their feet to the beat of the camppey upbeat tune, two aisles of women soon forming. Down then came Urd in a fabulous green gown, her hair tied up into an exquisite white shawl formation.

"Honored guests, we present to you a list of all the candidates selected from not only anime, but from several other mediums and platforms. Some are even members of the current MTV reality show "The Real World"." Urd smiled as Gai walked next to her.

"Yes Urd, tonight we have several lovely ladies and we are now going to introduce them all tonight and let the judging begin tomorrow." Gai then pulled out a small sheet and read from it.

****

MURPHEY: _WHAT? Tomorrow? Awww MONKEY-FART! I wanted to see some Leg right now!_

"She is from the era of Japan when steam and machinery have combined to defend the world from encroaching darkness. I present Sakura!" From the central door came a tall young woman, her long blue black hair pulled back in traditional samurai style as she wore a silk kimono adorned with blue and pink colorings. She smiled to the audience and there was some cheering.

****

VASH: _She could perform SEPIKU on me any day!_

****

STORMY:_ Yeowza, that chick has a sword! She could put my eye out any day!_

****

DEBBIE:_ I hope she puts out Stormy's EYE!_

"Next is a fiery redhead from Germany who currently fight, not the forces of the angels, but the taunts and jokes of her fellow room mates here in the hotel. Asuka Langley Shoyu!" Asuka entered with the spotlight on her body adorned with a simple black gown, her hair styled in a French braid as she moved over next to Sakura.

****

GOKU: _Why was the mean girl up there?_

****

VASH: Vash is simply blushing wth no real words being spoken…..

__

"Next is a comrade of Asuka as well as the "first children" who is quiet and a silent visage of beauty and style, Rei Aiyanami!" Asuka gasped in surprise as Rei came down the aisle in a white dress style Kimono with red trim, a ivory comb I her hair. Rei simply smiled at the cheering fans and stood next to the SHOCKED Asuka.

"Rei, if you're here, and so is Shinji….and I am here…………who is going to fight the angels in Central Dogma??"

MEANWHILE AT NERV………….

****

KENSUKE: _I FINALLY GET TO BE AN EVA PILOT!!!!!!!_

Gai continued the list. "Here we have a woman who knows how to push papers, get the job done, manage a business and still keep a gravity defying chest, MADAM PRESIDENT". From the walkway in a silver dress with a HIGHLY revealing bust line came Madam president, a woman who was as ruthless corporately as she was RICH". Rei was simply aghast at how HUGE her chest was…Madam stood next to Rei who had to lean ahead to see past her ginormous boobs to look at Gai.

****

MURPHEY: _oh DEAR GOD! Looks like somebody made use of the silicone increases this month! I bet she could analyze me Up and DOWN and still those things would…….*_**Murphy zones out**_*……..boobs…………wait….what was I saying? Oh well, I wonder which one of them own this purse I found in the restroom! (MURPHY holds up elegant ladies purse stuffed with cash)_

****

ASUKA:_ Pfff, its not the chest that makes a woman….._

****

REI:_ Compared to her, Asuka is flatter than ME!_

"Here now is a true angel, a STEEL one from the technology of the future. When not following young master Nakahito, Steel angle Kurumi is with us displaying her beauty fore the world" From the stage came a woman in a stunningly simple yellow and red dress, her pink hair styled and shinned to a gleam. Karumi stood next to Madam president as the next name was called.

****

KURUMI: _WOW! That woman's knockers are HUGE! Hmmmm………I wonder if they're even real_

"Here now is a woman of both tradition as a Shinobi warrior and a woman of almost unparalleled beauty. I present to thee Kurumi from the past five DEAD OR ALIVE tournaments." Gai then pointed to a new entrance where a fabulous woman with blonde-red hair was walking in a white and blue outfit with revealing trim to show off her legs and bust. 

****

ASUKA: _What was this, BOOB-VILLE on a Saturday night? _

****

VASH: _I CANT WAIT TILL THE SWIMSUIT PORTION!_

****

GOKU:_ Those men look funny on stage : p_

She suddenly leapt into the air and twirled aside Kurumi, a smirk on her face. 

'Now ladies and semi-aware men who aren't chest scanning, we have Helena, the elegant opera singer who uses a combat syle of martial arts to DECIMATE her opponent in a whirlwind of movements, Helena!" From the new entrance where the lights were now aimed came a long blonde haired woman with a magnificent opera dress of shimmering satin and silken folds. Helena's blue eyes scanned the crowd for weaker level males and stood aside Kasumi.

****

KASUMI: _Oh great, the singing BITCH is here_

****

HELENA: _Oh great, the Shinobi bitch was here_

Urd now took command of the list as she became the narrator of the vent.

"Now we have Lei Fang, a Chinese vixen who's power of countering opponents is as legendary as her combat prowess." Lei Fang emerged in a silken Chinese style gown of black and gold, her hair completely unbraided and tied into one long tail that was loped with a red ribbon. She took her side on the opposite wall where the other girls were standing.

****

ASHRAM_:……(there is a SMAL audible sound which COUL be a heartbeat)_

****

VASH: _I'd let her strike me anywhere if she wanted to…*_**Vash continues to drool like a MORON**_*_

"Now here comes a woman who proved strength comes in a pretty package. Ayla from Chrono trigger. Children beware, she DOSE bite" Coming to stand aside Lei fang was the beautiful blonde cave woman from Chrono Trigger her "dress" a collection of special animal skins, a huge ceremonial club in her hand.

****

GOKU: _WOW! Pretty lady! I bet she would know how to cook a pterodactyl really well_

"Here next is Lime, the gorgeous Saber Marionette from Japonesse whose sense of style is almost as highly annoying as her laugh, No….seriously folks, I am not joking." Suddenly running from out of the entrance was a blue haired woman in ABSOLUTELY bizarre clothes, her hair adored with a MEGALITHID red ball. She cheerily stood next to Ayla who began a starring contest between the two.

****

ASUKA: _My god in himmel, I don't know which is worse. The woman with the clothes from the THRIFT store, or the cave-woman. I wonder if either is a relative of Goku…._

"Now here is a second steel angel, this one a friend of Kurumi's and a loyal companion of Nakahito who I believe is in the audience." Everyone looked over to see Nakahito sipping a Shirley Temple with sunglasses on and a smirk on his face, a Fonzie-ish look on his face as he pointed to Urd. 

****

KURUMI: _MASTER!!!!!!!_

Saki was dressed in her causal maid uniform yet was still stunningly pretty as she walked next to Lime, her eyes however linked to Karumi who cheerily waved at her from the opposite side…….at Nakahito……

****

SAKI: (**sigh)**_….."Master" must be here…..oh well, some way, some how, Kurumi will be mine………._

" How here comes the third of the magnificent Steel Angels, Karinka, a fiery and hot blooded gal who loves herself as much as her pride." Karinka emerged, her dress a blue green and silver style evening gown with abnormal "armor" pads on the arm guards and waits lines, much like her casual wear. Karinka hustled over to Saki and the two smiled and hugged, not having seen each other for a while.

****

MURPHEY: _Hmmm…they're either sweet with big boobs….or mean with no boobs at ALL………this contest if frikin awesome._

"Next up is Naru, the passionate college bound student who is as gorgeous in a dress as she is in a uniform." Out then came Naru in a golden dress that showed off her shoulders and long flowing brown hair. She smiled and clenched a first out to all the boys and then stood with Karinka as the final few names were called.

****

ASUKA: _Finally, a REAL woman, not these silicone implanted FREAKS……_

****

MADAM PRESIDENT: _I could eat her for breakfast….._

****

SAKURA:_ MY SWORD HUNGERS FOR HER BLOOD! I cant loose another contest, not again! Its bad enough Ohgami left me for that TRAMP Bloodberry, but then I lost my regional contest to ::shudder:: Hitomi "The Wing Goddess" Konzaki…but I showed her, heeeheee…I showed her…MWAHAHAHA……._

"Now here comes a professional bounty hunter who knows how to not only steal away a horde of cash but a man heart as well. Let us welcome Faye Valentine ladies and gents." Said Urd. Out then, in a black evening dress cane Faye, her purple locks pulled up into a central bun. She hesitantly eyes the other women as she went to her position.

****

SPARKS: _She can steal my heart…and my wallet…I don't really care…..(_SPARKS snaps out of his trance_)…my wallet!_ _What am I in love/ She can keep her meat hooks away from my cash!_

****

HELENA: _I wonder if I could hire her to fins out who stole my purse…._

"Now we present to you one of the proprietors of this event, the lovely goddess first class, Belldandy herself." Urd cheered aloud as Belldandy appeared in her radiant white and blue gown with her golden crown in place. She seemed to hover nto place as she waved and cheered to the people.

****

GENDO: _She certainly looks beautiful……..omg, I am not showing emotion am I? (sigh) looks like its gonna be another round of CLOCKWORK ORANGE for me…._

"Now, since these two couldn't agree on who would go first, we have the lovely ladies who have been nicknamed the Dirty Pair, the Lovely Angels, Yuri and Kei." From the stage came two women, both of them competing for the spotlight in a series of shoves and arm jabs, even though both kept a plastered smile. Yuri was tall with long blur purple hair while Kei was a bit shorter and bustier with red hair like fire. Both stood in formation as Gai had directed them too while the last name was called out by Gai in closing.

****

VASH: _"Double the pleasure double the fun…."_

****

KURUMI:_ ANGELS?…could that mean…new sisters? EEEEEE!_

"Here honored guests if Talim, a servant of the winds and a master of the tanffa." Finally, with the last of the spotlights on her came a young girl in a pink an white mini skirt styled outfit, a set of "kitty-ish" ear pieces in her hair. She was much smaller than the other women but none the less radiant indeed. There was a standing ovation and applause for all the lovely ladies as the lights dimmed up onto Gai.

****

ASUKA: _I…must….have….those…ears!_

"All attending this contest premiere, do not fear. Tomorrow all the judging shall be decided and MTV will be hosting! Tonight, all these lovely women shall be apart of the REAL WORLD and tomorrow, the FUN BEGINS!"…………..

****

MEAHWHILE OUSIDE OF TOWN AT A GAS STAION…..

The car drove up to the pump and a figure approached the driver at the window. 

"How may the mighty Damaramu assist you today?" said the massive warrior in a brown khaki suite with the name "LARRY" sown onto it.

"Oh, I don't need anything sir, I just want to fill the car up myself if you don't mind."

"Let me re-phrase this. **BUY SOMETHING FROM INSIDE OF YOUR ASS IS TOAST!**" The driver shouted in fright and drove off as fast as his pinto could take him, Damaramu shaking his fist in the distance. From the window the manager watched and sighed aloud.

'That's the seventh one tonight"


	8. Episode 8

****

CHAPTER 8: The plot Thickens…so be sure to add lots of Char, Spices and Vegetables….

Damaramu sat on the curb, his brown khaki body suit bundled up in his lap. He had been fired.

****

DAMARAMU: _I had been fired!_

"The mighty Damaramu can not comprehend what it is that allows the other peopns and fools to acquire jobs while the MIGHY DAMARAMU is penniless and about to be removed from the house! DAMARAMU GIVES UP NOT!" With sheer gumption Damaramu got up and began to approach the Disco Inferno where a rather large party was going on….

Within the 24 hour dance club there was, what some were calling, the party event of a lifetime as the most gorgeous women in anime were assembled and going to attend the judgeing…..but not after having a massive rock-fest!

"Excuse me Madam, where –" Parn began but was cut off from speaking to the leaving women when Yuri and Kei knocked over a tray of tea as they were fighting for the last fried cheese stick. Parn was drenched in tea

****

Kei: _Yeah well, I am sorry we bumped into him but if YURI was trying to get the last cheese stick, I wouldn't have don't it._

****

YURI: _Kei said WHAT? Please, she was more concerned about talking to the huge man in black armor with the glowing purple sword. She just wanted the last cheese stick to give to him : p"_

"Excuse me, Ms. Yuri and Ms. Kei?" began Vash from the corner of the Angel's eye. Both women turned as Parn went to introduce himself goofishly (still dripping wet) when they went to see who was addressing them. Vash smiled like a moron as he showed them a plate of steaming hot appetizers. Both girls eyes lit up and Parn decided to go clean himself off….alone.

"Would you two ladies be in need of food?" began Vash, his face bearing an obnoxious smile.

"Why…yes ^^" said Yuri as she reached out to snag a delicious looking potato skin. Suddenly a long staff delivered a MASSIVE blow to the back of Vash's skull, knocking him over and throwing hot hot hot appetizers all over Sakura who was sharpening her sword. "YOU STILL HAVENT PAYED FORE THOSE!" shouted Kilik. Vash began to reach for his wallet when a sword edge was placed next to his throat, Vash looked up and suddenly saw a long katana aimed to kill him. It was Sakura………….and…..her kimono was awfully revealing….Vash's face grew red and so did Sakura's but not of embarrassment!

****

SAKURA: _That blonde fool DARED to throw food at me and THEN look up my dress?!?!?! I would expect that from the Paladin knight but this slob?_

****

PARN: _Wait, what did Sakura say about me ^ ^?"_

"NOW you die!" shouted the enraged opera troupe samurai as she swung to cleave off Vash's head. Vash quickly and hyperactively avoided the swing and leapt tp his feet.

"Now madam, I am very sorry, it was an accident!"

"SO IS THIS!" With a strong foreword lunge Sakura almost would have pierced Vash's heart had he not miraculously bent his spine 90 degrees and avoided it.

****

VASH: _The kimono babe was NUTS!_

****

ASHRAM: _I like Sakura more and more every time I see her_

Sakura huffed and sneered, sheathing her sword up and turning to go into the bathroom to clean herself off……

Meanwhile, at another table…..

Saki, Kurumi, Karinka and Nakahito were listening to Faye tell about a rumor that there was a person worth over sixty billion double dollars that was someplace in the hotel. Karinka suddenly developed an evil smile. "Say, Faye, that man over there, the one in the red trench coat with the blonde hair….he knows exactly where this person is."

"But Karinka silly, that's V-" Saki suddenly grabbed Kurumi

"Oh my, Kurumi look, they have kettle rice!" Kurumi's eyes became a s big as saucers when she noticed a tall man in black standing next to a booth, its sign reading **_NEEFUL THINGS_**.

****

SAKI: _yeah, there was an old man in black. I thought we should see him_

****

FAYE: _If I could get ahold of all that money, I could finally get a chest deduction! These things are a killer to my back_

"EEEEEEEEEEEE! Saki, you know I love kettle rice!" Karumi squealed happily.

("Yes Karumi, I know exactly what you like')

"So Karinka, that man in the red over there, the one who was being chased by that crazy Sakura woman?" said Faye, turning her attention to the bumbling moron trying to impress Yuri and Kei. "He doesn't seem like a person who would know ANYTHING" 

Karinka smile deviously. She knew full well how much Vash was worth and that Faye had spilled a bottle of soda all over her dress, the one Karinka SHOULD have worn that night. If Faye hung out with Vash's she was sure to DIE since nothing could survive a night with that human disaster area.

Outside the Disco Inferno, a figure walked alone, his body draped by long flowing robes, his eyes bearing a hatred and malice rivaled only by his sheer desire to destroy….- He then tripped and fell flat on his face –

'Argh GOD DAMN' the mystery figure said aloud

****

MYSTERIOUS PERSON IN ROBES: _Lousy friggin one-size fits all shoe my arse!_

Gendo and his team watched the video monitors in the basement of the DISCO INFERNO SECURITY ROOM with distress. 

"Are we positive this is real and not some kind of an internet prank?" he said. Belldandy nodded as a man in a military uniform approached Gendo.

"Sir, the entire hotel will be effected should….he….arrive. As to why he is even coming we cant guess but I assure you he brings death and destruction with him."

"Whatever the reason, we cant shut down the show and we cant stop this persons coming. I say we greet him…..snake" Gendo said. From the shadows Snake emerged.

"Yeah, what?"

"You know what to do."

"………………………………………………………………………………….I do?"

"You mean you don't?"

"Man, you just said "SNAKE" and here I am. I am not a damn psychic you idiot! I cant derive everything from just some simple word!" Belldandy approached him, her eyes big and doleful. 

"Snake" she said. Solid Snake nodded solemnly and vanished into the shadows. Gendo's glasses were steamed over with anger.

'WTF" was all he said as he slammed his fist through a desk…….."OWWWW!"

Stormy and Debbie were busy following around key anime characters to send the footage to Sparks so he could edit everything and have it broadcasted within 24 hours. Quinn however was nowhere in sight while Murphey…….well, Murphy was busy…..

****

KASUMI: _Yeah, then this OLD man came up to Lei Fang and I and said something about taking a "wild ride on the "murph'mobile"" I didn't know what he meant to I threw him into a wall a few times to shatter some sense into him. The poor ass just kept on though_

****

MURPHY_: I think the Shinobi girl likes me!_

Stormy was busy on the trail of young Goku when suddenly the doors of the Inferno swung open, the Bee Gee's infamous song firing up into full swing. The figures strutted in, an air in there step, a fire int heir eyes and a beat in there feet. The Ginyu Gang walked in procession through the crows, Cell giving winks and fanzie-style points to various women, a smirk on his face. The five strutted up to the main dance floor and suddenly began to perform 70's dance moves in unison with the music. Suddenly the floor cleared except for cell who was dressed in a silver suit, his fiery Ki casting the room in a yellow aura as he began to use his intense speed to spin on the smoothed floor and rebound with a jump into a classic disco pose, his hand pointed upright as he slowly inched foreword with his shuffling feet. Suddenly onto the floor came Rei Aiyanami in a stunning sequence dress, her small pale body suddenly alive with rhythm as she joined Cell in the patented dance from Pulp Fiction, _The Batman._

****

ASHRAM: _Dear god, did cell contain cells from JOHN TRAVOLTA TOO?!?!_

****

ASUKA:_ I never knew Rei could dance! I mean…..its not like I ever talked to her……_

****

WASHU:_ I smell a law suite coming on…_

(Disco inferno is still playing) Murphey was busy looking at Cell and Aiyanami when suddenly somebody tapped his shoulder. Murphy turned and saw the enraged Helena, her fist sending him clear across the room as she saw her purse….Cell's fiery aura soon began to merge with Rei's AT FEILS to produce an aura of brilliant light as it soon amplified there moves, both of them seeming as if they would self destruct.

****

GOKU: _WOW! I didn't know grasshoppers could dance that well!_

Vash turned to avoid Sakura's sudden sneak attack, there bodies moving in sequence of dodges and slashes like a rheumatic fluid motion as suddenly Vash tripped over a sleeping Neko-chan and he fell in what seemed like slow motion as Sakura's blade missed his head by a centimeter. 

By now Cell and Rei's moves were in perfect unison, their sync ratio at (according to Asuka) over 500%. They then finished off in a dance style similar to the Tango as there aura blew clear through the INFERNO's roof revealing a clear sky and bathing the club in an unreal light. Suddenly the door opened again but this time there was only one figure, his face masked by a huge red hat, his body by long red robes, his orange glasses reflecting back an emotionless face. Everyone was frozen with awe as the persons presence seemed to fill the room, his face looking through tinted glasses at everyone, as if he were looking for a person in particular.

Kilik approached the figure as did Ashram and Astraoth. "Can we help you?" said Kilik, his Kali Yugi readied for action should this obvious troublemaker wanna start something.

"You can not begin to provide me a service I would find necessary unless you can point me to where THIS person is." The figure handed Kilik an image of Ryoko.

"What is your business with her?' said Ashram slowly, his hand reaching for _SOUL CRUSHER_"

"I am Arucard of the HELLSING ORGANIZATION and your club has been festering with a demon of a massive level. I have been sent to….apprehend her."

****

ASUKA: **snicker** _This fool was going to try and nab Ryoko? That's like trying to stop a train with your bare hands : p"_

Arucard smiled a fanged smile was he began to descend into the midst's of the women and clubbers, his red cape trailing behind him. Suddenly a blonde man in red tripped in his way as a CRAZY woman with a sword dashed in after him. Arucard slipped and happened to fall STRAIGHT into , Madam President, his white gloved hand precariously placed on her chest. 'EEEP!" the vampire squeaked out as a female fist sent him straight into the bar. Young little Goku looked down to see the knocked out undead knight of the Hellsing family dazed over with little bat-shaped stars circling his head.

****

WASHU: _Well, that was pointless…_

Suddenly DJ WITH THE FIRE was kicked into gear and the party went on. Faye soon found Vash hiding in the corner of the storage room behind the kitchen, his lungs clearly out of breath as he had been avoiding the preverbal 'close shave". Faye smile deviously as she approached him as she prepared to "pretended" to stumble into him, her yellow shirt HAPPENING to be exposed wider than normal to accent her large…….tracks of land : p. Vash turned and smacked straight into her.

"Oh, miss, I am so sorry let me…" Vash looked down at Faye and suddenly his face grew redder than his tenchcoat.

****

FAYE: _I knew I had this turnip brain RIGHT where I wanted him_

****

VASH: _I didn't know what to do. No, seriously, I was a frozen block, kind'a like Ashram's brain_

Snake and Shinji sat inside the dressing room for the female contestants, both of them eagerly twitching their thumbs.

"Don't worry kid. If this doesn't fix ya, I don't know what will."

"Isn't there something you were supposed to be doing?" Snake puffed his cigarette and activated his STEATH CAMOFALUGE SUIT, Shinji doing the same.

"Meh" said snake as the door opened"……

The tall man in black smiles beneath his mustache as he looked at young Saki and Kurumi. "My name is Leland Gaunt. I see you two have found this wonderful den of inequity as I have."

"Den-O-wha?" said Kurumi

"Nevermind my dear, its unimportant. Tell me though, what is it you want hmmm?" Kurumi suddenly began thinking of Nakahito. Saki however leaned foreword into Gaunt's ear and began to whisper, a big smile running across the old mans face as he whispered back "l'll see what I can do"" to Saki. Saki smiled as well as she blushed happily………..

****

SAKI: _This Mr. Gaunt seems so nice. He was willing to set up Karumi and I…I mean, (Saki looks around nervously) GET ME A COPY OF NEWTYPE MAGAZINE FOR MUCH LESS THAN THE RETAIL PRICE._

Ryoko finished changing out of her dancing uniform and into her regular clothes when her sense of smell picked up the hint of MARLBORO CIGARETTES. Her eyes glowed red with furry as her palm formed an energy saber.

( Snake: I think she's on to us )

( Shinji: What do we do now Snake? )

(Snake: We?)

Asuka was busy hanging out with Urd, Karinka and Goku who was off duty (Maxi eagerly agreed to take is place when he saw Yuri and Kei at the bar) when Arucard regained consciousness. "Where am I? Did somebody get the number of that bus?" Suddenly he looked over to see Madam President standing over him.

"Now I am a bus and you want my number?!" Arucard sneered his fanged teeth as he straightened up, shaking off his coat. 

"THAT'S not what I meant. Mortal women are such jerks and fools as well. You have not tasted of the eternal night that I-" he was cut off by Madam Presidents repeated kicks that slammed him back onto the ground. 

****

ASUKA: _That Hellsing jerk needed what he got. Personally though he reminds of somebody……_

****

URD: personally I thought he was kind'a cute but that suit, SIGH, it just screams "I AM FROM THE CREATOR OF TRIGUN".

Rei and Cell were having a drink together when in came Lime, her cheery personality seeming the prefect compliment to the conversation so cell waved her to join them. Lime squeaked over with her enormous shoes as Parn came to see what was going on. Cell backhanded him through a wall into the women's restroom where he was quickly assaulted by Asuka's fists.

****

ASUKA: _KIGHT OF LODOSS MY ASS! HES A BIGGER PERV THAN VASH IS!_

"So you two know how to dance?" said Lime

"Yes, I learned in my spare time when I wasn't being cloned having my soul put into a different body" said Rei. Cell blinked a few times and shoved his chair about seven feet back spastically.

Kilik approached the microphone on the dance floor and announced the evening would be drawing to a close as everything was to be shut down for repairs and maintenance for the swimsuit competition that would be occurring the next afternoon. Suddenly Damaramu barged in, his body a shining chrome, his left eye fitted with a mechanical device that glowed bright blue.

"THE MIGHTY DAMARMU COMMANDS ALL TO GAZE UPON THE AWE ISPIREING GLORY THAT IS BLACKSMITH TONY'S MEHCNAICAL BODY 2.0!" Everyone gasped as Damaramu leapt onto the stage floor. Knocking Kilik over as he formed an "action pose". "DAMARAMU MISSILE LAUNCHER!" Damaramu's chest opened to reveal a small volley of mico missiles that streaked over the crowd and exploded into confetti. "DAMARAMU LASER FINGERS!" Damarmu's fingers suddenly all revealed micro laser cannon-ettes that showered the audience in rave-style lights beams to the music. "FINALLY, LAST BUT NOT LEAST. THE DAMARAMU RAY OF ULTIMATE MEGA DEATH!" 

from the sky, in a semi-re-assembled RED COMET, Char Anzable flew over the Disco inferno, his mobile suites new particle beam cannon ready to shower death to the anime characters who dared to associate with big business. Char pulled out his auto-guidance computers when suddenly a voice filled his cockpit

__

USE THE FORCE CHAR…

"SHOVE IT OLD MAN!" shouted Char. He smiled evilly as his computer began to calculate the various targets. Suddenly a massive yellow beam shot up from the hole in the INFERNO's roof, blowing the RED COMET out of the sky. As the fiery mobile suite fell to earth char could hear a distant voice in his mind…..

__

TOLD YOU SO…DUMBASS!

Damaramu suddenly, instead of creams of agony, heard shouts of celebration and praise. He was puzzled when suddenly he looked at his forearm which held Tony's store name: BLACKSMITH TONY'S METAL BODIES AND PARTY SUPPLY STORE

"DAMN! Blacksmith Tony still dose a crappy job!"

__ __ __


	9. Episode 9

CHAPTER 9: The Uninvited Real Folk Blues….

The Disco Inferno's huge party equaled lots of over-pay for the crew of THE REAL WORLD, mainly because they survived and also because they were all on hand to clean up afterward. The Vampire Arucard had "mysteriously" vanished after having Madam Presidents shoe implanted into his back, Char Anzable and his RED COMET were impounded by police after he crashed into a DUNKEN DOUGHNUTS. The anime and video game female contestants went to sleep and were all allowed to sleep in, as were the over-worked MTV video staff. (Well, Murphy didn't sleep. He was too busy trying to sneak into Kasumi's room with a video camera). Dawn came fast as Goku awoke everyone to go downstairs to get ready for the judging at the Hotel pool…..

    "Hey, Shinji, where were you last night?" Asuka asked as she saw Shinji in bed……with a body cast. Ryoko manifested inside the room as she was passing bye..

"Why don't you ask SNAKE" she said dryly with a hangover.

"Hmmm?"

"You mean Shinji didn't tell you about his game of "hide-and-peep" in the women's changing room?"

**ASUKA_: _**_FINALLY SHINJI WAS DEVELOPING A SPINE!_

"HE DID WHAT!" shouted Asuka as she mysteriously pulled a gold glob from nowhere and slammed it over Shinji.

**SHINJI:** _yeah, so here I am, asleep, when suddenly Asuka whacks me in the face with a friggin GOLF CLUB!_

   As Shinji squirmed in agony Damaramu, Parn, Karinka, Goku, Kurumi, Urd and Washu were eating breakfast in the kitchen as automated camera's watched all the eating and munching that was going on. Suddenly massive alarms went off all across the house as red flood lights lowered from every corner of the room/

'Damaramu id pissed off!" shouted the metal-clad knight was he ate his fruit loops.

"I guess Washu either caught the leprechaun or were about to be hit by a nuclear missile" said Karinka as she went on eating her waffles.

Suddenly, from the cabinet, Washu exited and dashed into the closet aside the bathroom her eyes big as saucers. She threw open the door and where she expected to find a wee green man she found a short girl with goggles over her face. 

"Ed" sighed Washu.

**Goku:** _I didn't know Ed was Irish_

"Will somebody explain the lousy blare blare sounds and the flashing as if there was a REASSON for the damn noise" shouted Murphy from the overhead speakers from NERV-MTV's studio located against the house.

"Ed, what are you doing in my Leprechaun trap?" said Washu sadly as Ed tried to loosen the snare on her foot.

"Ed wanted to see what was with the shiny thing in the closet!" she said happily as she held up a gold coin

**Ashram**: _So now we have midgets with portals leavening coins everywhere?_

"The mighty Damaramu has had enough! I cannot live in a house with such a maniac any longer! First she tries to get me to put a magnet against my mighty mechanized brain…

**WASHU:** _pity he didn't do it…_

…and now you have alarms blazing everywhere at 8 in the morning?"

"Hey Damaramu, leave Washu alone! She at least can capture something other than unemployment" said Ashram from the corner.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Damaramu shouted as he stormed off through the door…………………………………………………………………………………………

"Damaramu, that's the closet" said Goku

     The swimming pool courtyard of the Hotel was actually an imported aviary and tree center so the pool was built to resemble a luxurious jungle lake atop the hotel with a glass pyramid to keep out rain and support the lights at night. The pre-assembled news and TC crews who had witnessed the pre-show were assembled that day to see the swim suite competition………..

Gendo and Beldandy sat in the front row next to the judges as Kilik approached hthem both.

"Sir, madam, if the REAL members would wish they can take side jobs to earn extra house money. As you know the rent is due next week and if not provided, two people will be rejected from the house."

"We are aware." Said Gendo. "Let who ever wishes to work do so……..however I hope we will not have a repeat of last night."

**KILIK:** _Hard ass. I am sorry but Gendo is a bigger PRICK than Nightmare with a hernia. He needs to get (sound bleep) is what he needs. I don't get what Belldandy sees in him_

**BELLDANDY: **_Well, I know he cant remember my name 9 out of 10 times but I know his loss of Yui well. Someday I may reach him…_

**GENDO: **_BELLDANDY LIKES ME?!?!?!_

Gai, now in a bizarre white and blue suite with neon in a orange suite with a tie, entered the central hub of camera's and reporters as the entire cast of THE REAL WORLD entered from the elevators. 

"Ladies and Gents welcome for this fabulous display of legs and breast that will be sure to make history! As many of you know a swim suit requires water so we have assembled you all in front of this huge pool."

    Goku wore his red swimsuit as he approached the suit room for the ladies with Parn following behind him.

"Goku, where are we going?" asked Parn edgily as Goku swung open the door to almost a dozen nude and half nude women.

**FAYE:** _THAT PALDIN FREAK!_

**KEI**: _HIM!_

**LEI FANG**: _Wasn't he that guy who was always in the girls bathroom?_

Parn's face lit up redder than Goku's suit as he tried to side steppe away from the door. It didn't help. Parn was soon wrangled by the horde of females and pulled in to receive a beating of epic proportions. Goku shrugged and continued to look for the kitchen.

_       The man's eyes scanned the video monitors as the video from earth was relayed into the ship. _

"you think you can get away from me you traitorous wench?! I'll show you! EARTH HERE I COME!"

    Washu and Ryoko were busy selling sodas (well, Washu was. Ryoko was slugging then down) when Damaramu continued to showcase his party-favor-skills to a section of children.

"I was right, he DOES make a good clown" Washu chuckled. Ryoko laughed and suddenly her ears picked up a familiar vibe.

"Oh no………………….its her" she sighed.

SUDDENLY FROM ACROSS THE SKY A MIGHTY SHIP BLAZED INTO VIEW, ITS EXTREIOR SEEMING WOODEN LIKE A TREE YET AS SMOOTH AS METAL.

"I guess it was inevitable. Where honey attracts I suppose flies gather as well." Said Ryoko as everyone looked up to the sky. The ship suddenly last a brilliant tri-beam of light down onto the lush garden and three figured descended. One was tall and bustiful, her skin tan, her hair blonde, a series of disasters in her wake. The second was elegant with white skin and long ocean blue hair, a temper at her disposal as well as the capacity to survive disasters made by her blonde associate. The third however descended upon the waters of the pool, the gravity of the beam creating a whirlpool effect that surrounded her body and when the veil of water fell everyone saw a regal woman with long locks of purple hair, her body suited with a silver swim suit that shine with reflections from the sunlight against her skin.

"Ayeka" said Washu cheerfully as Ryoko seemed to make fake gagging motions.

"Buy, just when this place was getting cool too the devil had to show up" Ryoko slyly interjected as everyone went to interview the mysterious trio.

Ashram: _I saw the silver maiden form from the waters and my heart seemed to stop_.

Karinka; _Yeah, I think darth Ashram has a crush on the purple princess…._

  Gai and Gendo were the first to approach the woman in the waters as she stepped foreword to greet them all.

"I am princess Ayeka of the royal house of –" Suddenly a pie hit her square in the face. Everyone turned to see Ryoko whittling innocently with a Chibi look to her.

"RYOKO YOUPIRATE TRASH!" Ayeka stammered as she tried to regain her balance and regal attire. "Yes, well….as I was saying. I am sorry I was late to the contest but our ship has problems in space." This was when the blonde woman approached the crowd, her eyes blue and huge

"Yeah, these weird people with a dig kept bugging us for clues about some person who was missing. OH, PIE!" The woman, named Mihoshi approached Ayeka and with her finger wiped some of the whipped cream from Ayeka's cheek and licked it happily.

"Madam Ayeka, I was told you had dropped out of the contest" said Gai questioningly. Once more Ryoko happily giggled as Ayeka turned bright red.

"I ASSURE YOU IT WAS A LIE!" she blurted at Ryoko who was busy trying to get another pie

PARN ( now seriously in pain with a steak over his eye): _yes, finally, a person of regal attire and repetitions. Perhaps with HER I can fins respect._

"Well, if you do wish to contest, suppose we can admit you in late," said Brilliant Dynamite Neon. Gai smiled and nodded as muttering went among the camera crews.

RYOKO: _Well, if the princess from the black lagoon was gonna be here, I suppose I would get a few pokes and insults in. At least Tenchi wouldn't be here to see trash that pampered purple SKANK…_

     Goku approached the blonde woman happily and stuck out his hand. "I am Goku!" he said cheerfully. Mihoshi smiled and smiled stupidly as she shook his hand.

KIYONE: _It was nice to finally see Mihoshi meet somebody in her age group_

      As the Jurian ship exited the orbit of earth and went into hyperspace when suddenly two other ships came into view, both of them bound for the same destination….

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE 1: "It would seem my prey is sought by other hunters as well" a cold voice said amid the emptiness of his vessel, his gloved hand stroking a long serpentine creature that slithered away as he stood, his green robes shimmering in the static light

     After an hour to re-assemble the women and re-adjust the arrangements of the show, Gai once more approached the awaiting audience. "Well it seems another lovely lady from across the stars has decided t join the festivities here today! We shall now throw a competition like none before so GET READY!" sad Gai, his body striking a brilliant action pose as a spot light somehow was cast over him. A pie suddenly hit him in the face as Ryoko shouted "GET ON WITH IT!" From the second corner of the massive "runway" which was actually a cat walk over the lush pool with a diving board, came the second guest speaker, a man in a black swim suit with LONG silver hair.

Kilik: _I knew swim suit competitions attracted queers but I had no clue that were attracted at THIS level_

  Sepharoth (spelling) stood with a microphone in his hands, a tone in his voice as he posed for the viewing peoples, his tone giddy and pleased to have so many MALES watching him (Kilik simply made gagging motions at him and raspberries).

"I shall now be PLEASED to introduce to you the first lovely lady. Her name is Sakura..(at her cue, Sakura went to approach the run way in her bikini-style blue suite)" As Sakura exited however there was a massive explosion as the large ship manifested overhead and a mans voice blared over the lousy-speakers.

"FAYE VALENTINE, THIS IS SPIKE! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE WITH MY MONEY AND YOU WILL GIVE IT ABCK OR SO HELP ME I WILL LEVEL THIS BUILDING!"

FAYE: _Well I knew Spike was gonna find out I stole his money SOONER or latter I just wished he handnt chosen THAT moment to do it._

   Sakura was blown into the water by the sudden rush of air the huge ships presence had created so she stumbled flat on her back into the pool while on the runway. People were shouting and clamoring as many wondered what was going on.

KURUMI: _Why was the grumpy machine thingy after Faye? I didn't know and I wanted to go swimming in my new suite but oh well, I guess I will use it some other day_

SAKI_: DANG IT! I BOUGHT HER THIS REVEALING SWIM SUITE AND IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!_

"Hey, who-ever-you-are!" shouted Gai angrily, pie still all over his face. The large rail-gun swiveled over to Gai's direction. Gai smiled sheepishly and dashed off in a puff of smoke.

     "See Belldandy this is why I suggested we get a Anti-Air-Defense system into the hotel." Said Gendo as he sighed sleepily. Belldandy agreed with a nod as she opened a flyer and read up on the hotel's FASINATEING use of TIDE in its clothing wash cycles.

Faye approached the spotlight of the huge ship as spike looked on from within the massive BEEBOP, his eye twitching. Faye smiled as she simply pointed over to the left. Spike diverted the ship's camera's to a red coated figure with blonde hair. Spikes jaw dropped and he laded the ship (right alongside the hotel too) and exited, a small furry dig exiting with him and barking happily as Ed rushed up to greet him.

"EIN!" Ed shouted. Spike smiled at ed and glowered at Faye, his mouth coming next to her ear to form a whisper.

"I thought we were gonna pursue him TOGETHER!" he said harshly

"Well I had to jump on him when I saw him to I borrowed the last bounty's wulong and came here. I knew you would catch up eventually."

"DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE EVRYTHING!?! Spike is off on another bounty and I am flat broke!"

"Well……………"

    With the temporarily canceled competition many sighed as the day would be sued for relaxation and shopping among the ladies. To fill the ranks of the much needed hotel maid service were Kiyone and Mihoshi although to their credit Mihoshi actually cased enough messes that needed leaning so they both earned a STAGGERING amount of money. Spike easily became a personal detective within the Hotel security section and Ayeka was allowed into the MTV house even though SOMEHOW her forms never reached Gendo. With the arrival of two ships the massive glass pyramid that covered the pool was now shattered and clean up became a huge paying effort. Latter that afternoon Gendo summoned the entire cast, even Murphy Sparks Quinn and Debbie, into the house for a meeting…..

           "Well I have good news. The arrival of so many new faces has boosted ratings by 70%. People seem to love watching Sakura get doused with water, the massive arrival of Ayeka was well timed actually since it cut into what would have been a series of commercial breaks and tampon adds." Everyone muttered as Ryoko vanished into the kitchen. "In short ladies and gentlemen, we are having the best ratings of the century and this, we will do great."

"Yes, we ARE having a good job" said Sparks from a rolling chair. "That's why were switching management from you over to that of The Hellsing Organization. Madam Intergal Hellsing will be running the show. Your our Ikari" Sparks deviously sipped his coffee which he pulled from thin air. Gendo's eyes twitched. "You DO know this EXACTLY how the Green Goblin got started don't you?'

"Green who?" asked Sparks

"Never mind…..you'll find out latter."

   Meanwhile, inside the hotel…..

   "Kiyone, this room needs cleaning too!" Mihoshi cheerfully shouted as she skipped along in her maid outfit with her feather duster towards the nearest room.

"Mihoshi, don't go into rooms that don't have tags." Kiyone said sternly somehow knowing Mihoshi wasn't listening. With her eyes closed, her mouth open and a smile on her face Mihoshi stormed into the room with the phrase "CLEANING TIME" on her lips. Suddenly Mihoshi and Kiyone were aghast to see a sight they thought they'd never see in a million years since they too followed the anime circle of gossip and news. 

"I AM BLIND!" shouted Mihoshi as a naked Parn ran out the door with an equally naked Yuri. The screams of shock didn't cease until Kiyone could pull Mihoshi into view of a TV with SPACE POLICE POLICEMAN  on it which clamed her down.

   Gendo stormed out of the room when as he turned the corner he was tackled by a nude Paladin and a naked member of the 3WA. Gendo's jaw dropped as the two were quickly pursued by a set of pissed off maids shouting about decency and something else Gendo couldn't catch was that TRAMPPLED HIM. Gendo staggered up when all of a sudden a little green man ran through the wall, jumped on his head and vanished into the air. Gendo's eye twitched……

    Sparks now had everyone's attention as he commanded there new admiration for getting Gendo off there case.

"So with Gendo gone, who will be the new House Manager?" asked Ashram

"Quinn will" said sparks

"A black house manger?" said Vash

"It worked in Blazing Saddles" chuckled Sparks. 

WASHU: _Well this was going to be peachy! First an uppity white guy to a gangster! I think we could do better with Goku as house manager_

QUINN: _First thing I intend to do is to get that damn Leprechaun and kick Washu out!_

Everyone muttered as suddenly Ayeka was struck with a huge cream pie, Ryoko signature laughter in the background

"Will somebody tell me where she is getting these things?" shouted Washu. Everyone suddenly looked over to a man in the kitchen, his table loaded with pies

"COME, GET YOUR PIES FOR THE GREAT PIE FIGHT!" Everyone suddenly broke out with pie-throwage as Gendo walked into the elevator. "YOU HAVENT HEARD THE LAST OF ME! I SHALL RETURN!" suddenly as the elevator doors closed there was a dropping sound followed by a crash a few seconds latter……..

Gendo staggered up from the fiery rubble of the crash, his face bloodied as he looked up. "STILL NOT DEAD! I LIVE ON" suddenly the rest of the elevator crashed on top of him in an instant.

    Parn and Yuri sat huddled in the closet of the tenth floor, their breathing quick and sporadic.

"What if they use the elevators to try and search for us?" Parn asked. Yuri winked.

"I cut the cables, don't worry"


End file.
